Of all possible awkward occasions, awkward bikini wax moments probably induce the most cringing. Anyone who’s endured a wax themselves knows how strange it can get. Waxes already bring about some awkwardness—you’ve got your genitals on show to a stranger in all their overgrown glory. But you add the possibility for every single bodily fluid under the sun to get involved and things can get pretty ugly. At the very least, it’s minorly uncomfortable for everyone involved. At its worst, it’s total carnage.
Get Home To Her Dad
As we walk back to the wax room, she continues talking about her dad paying and how he prefers that she gets this done. Uh okay, so he knows…whatever.
She immediately yanked off her pants and panties and jumped on the bed. I had to ask her to get up so in order for me to wipe it down and put down paper. When she got up there was already a sweat mark on the leather. I gave her some wipes and asked that she clean the area as best she can. I caught a glimpse of the towels and they were gold from I’m assuming not drinking enough water, causing her urine stains to be super dark. The whole process took an hour, due to stopping between flaps, changing gloves and the occasional gag. Her go-to conversation topic was how I should get with a black man, why hot Cheetos with hot nacho cheese was a amazing midnight snack, and how she can’t wait to get home to her dad. I’m still confused over the entire thing.
Was There An Accident?
The worst story I have is probably the second Brazilian wax I ever did, while I was still learning in school. At school, the public can come in for services at a low rate with the understanding that the person working on them is still a beginner. This attracts some weirdos.
This woman who came in tried to get me to give her a Brazilian wax while she was on her period. Normally if the client is wearing a tampon, this can be done without issue: not this time.
I left the room to allow the woman to put on the disposable underwear and lie down on the bed. When I came back, the disposables, the paper on the table, and her own hands were soaked with blood. Naturally, I kind of freaked out and asked if she had been injured.
“Oh don’t be silly, it’s just a little mess.”
That’s right, this is what she said to me.
Luckily we have the right to refuse services and I was able to get an instructor to come in and explain to this woman why this wasn’t going to be able to happen today and to rebook for another day. She seemed confused and surprised, but left without a fuss and I luckily was never booked with her again.
The woman was 58-years-old, short hair and married, with a concerned look on her face. My girlfriend told her to get ready and that she will be back in a few minutes, then asked her if something troubled her.
Woman: “I just have one thing to say first…any bruises you see are totally consensual.”
Girlfriend (GF): “Uh, okay.”
The entire time my GF waxed her body, the woman decided she would continue discussing her bruising. Other such statements made by the lady during the waxing/sugaring:
“My husband really gave it to me last night…he was just pounding away.”
“How many bruises are down there? Can you count them?”
“Oh man my butt must be really bruised, it hurts the worst.”
“I am going to be so much worse after tonight.”
Does He Have To Watch?
This one lady came in, loudly asking the front desk staff and other customers details of the Brazilian treatment, and sharing her personal experience with laser hair removal down there. You could tell she weirding everyone out. When the esthetician came in, she was sitting on the bench butt naked. Her boyfriend/hubby/whatever was in the room as well and she said he “had to be there to watch.” He stood there silently watching the entire 45-minute long appointment. When they left they were sure to tell everyone how they were going to “enjoy the fresh wax tonight.”
Just A Bit Of Paint Cleaner
A Rogue Tampon
She had a woman come in, told her to drop her pants, hop on the table, and get ready. She put the first strip on, smoothed down, and..
As she tore the strip off, it went flying from her hand and stuck to the wall, spider-leg hair poking out from the sides, and a tampon hanging from the bottom.
Both of their jaws dropped, and she left the room so the woman could sort herself out. She came back, finished off, certain of her failure.
Perfect 10/10 on everything.
The “Parts Down Below” Got Ripped Too
Clearly this woman wasn’t the best with dealing with pain because she would scream bloody murder, hysterically crying and flapping about like a mad woman. And it wasn’t just her lady bits, every time she would get a whole body wax! Her screaming was so loud and so crazy that people would call mall security; once even the police turned up. But still without fail she would be back every month for her next round of torture.
First, I needed to use the bathroom. After I was done and tried to flush, it got clogged up. God bless the waxer, she came in and unclogged it for me.
Then it got to the actual waxing. There was blood, and pain. I was recovering from drug addiction (oxy) and was extra sensitive to pain.
After I got smooth, I went to get myself redressed. As I grabbed my pants, my pocketknife fell out, opened itself, and almost stabbed my poor waxer in the foot.
I ended up tipping that woman all the money and had and never returned.
Your Ass Is Like A Rainforest
A girl in scrubs walks by takes a long look then walks away. I think nothing of it, until she walks back, handing a business card to the apprentice and making some pointing motion. He taps me on the back and hands me the card.
It’s some kind of spa with her name and number. I look at her and she says “I offer waxing, if you ever need one.” Confused, I ask why and she replies with “Your ass is like the rainforest, you could use one and it would look sexy,” then walks away.
I look at my artist and asked what just happened, unsure if I just got hit on or got a business pitch. Also my ass is not that hairy so I was quite confused.
Hot Wax And Hotter Tears
So, she starts and asks me to spread my cheeks and I guess I get nervous or have a very sensitive/ticklish butt because I could not stop laughing, maniacally giggling as she smoothed me out. Tears were coming out of my eyes.
She had to stop and wait until I calmed down. The second she would start again, I’d start giggling like an idiot again.
It Is You!
I take my pants off and hop up on the table with my legs in the weird frog position and she goes “Oh, it is you! I wasn’t sure because your hair but I recognized your piercing!”
Friends With (Waxing) Benefits
As the story goes, the place didn’t do the full job for liabilities and my friend was unable to wax herself down there. Without skipping a beat, the other girl jumped in waxed my friend’s box with zero f*cks given. They had maybe known each other for days days.
They continued to be good friends all through university after a bonding experience like that.