We’ve all had our share of bad roommates, but the ones on this list will make you feel grateful for even your worst cohabitants. Even if your roommate is the kind of person that eats your entire jar of peanut butter, at least they’re not pouring paint on you before a job interview, or blaming you for their husband leaving them. It’s always nice to find a silver lining. For starters, chances are you’ve either had a messy roommate or been the messy roommate. But arguments over who should clean the dishes are child’s play compared to these crazy roommate stories. We all know it’s important to pay your rent and leave your roomie’s food alone, but some people just can’t seem to learn the basic rules of roommate etiquette. Maybe living alone is just the way to go.
Our list ranges from silly, harmless pranks to the stuff of nightmares and Presidential hopefuls. You may even learn a thing or two from the world’s worst roommates. For instance, never sign a rental agreement that bans you from eating bacon. Also, it’s probably not cool to pee on your roommate’s clothes unless they’re covered in jellyfish. Some of the crazies that are covered here are bad roommates and some are just plain old bad people. Before you go perusing an online roommate finder, you may want to read through these roommate horror stories to make sure you catch the early warning signs.
Sh*tty Roommate Craps the Bed
Roommate Spits and Pours Windex in Food
You never know if your roommate is going to go full Heathers and pour spit and Windex into your food like Hayley King, a University of South Carolina student who was arrested after her roommates caught her acting like a crazy person. Also, “Spit and Windex” is up for grabs if any grindcore bands need a new name.
There Should be a “No Pranking” Clause in Your House Contract
Demanding Roommate is Demanding
“Okay so I’m not sure why neither of you responded back to my emails, but I don’t really care as long as you both know this and understand that I’m not going to settle for anything less than what I’m gonna tell you that I’m gonna get once I arrive in the dorm. I’ll take the top bunk. I DO NOT want the single bunk where it has a desk underneath the top bunk so don’t try to leave me that. I’m also taking one of the white closets. There should be two white closes and I’m taking one of them. I don’t care which one it is, just know I’m taking one of them.”
Family Sues MSU Over Erratic RoommateSending your 18-year-old child away to college to live with a complete stranger is a scary thing, and Todd and Maureen Clark had their fears affirmed when it turned out that their baby boy was rooming with someone who had already been kicked out of college for stealing mail and committing “sexually inappropriate acts.”
After living with the sexually assaulting, mail stealing roommate, the Clark’s son tried to commit suicide and had to drop of out school. In 2015 the Clarks sued MSU for an undisclosed amount of money.
The Real Single White… Male?Brittany Ossenfort met her roommate, Michelle, through a mutual friend. Everything was going great until Michelle got all Single White Female on Brittany and started an unofficial, solo look alike contest. Brittany was fine with everything until she got a call from a local police precinct asking her to bail “Brittany Ossenfort” out of county. It turns out that Michelle was actually a trans prostitute who was caught soliciting to a police officer, and when she was arrested she took on Brittany’s persona. The entire ordeal has all but ruined the real Brittany’s life, and forever connected her name to Michelle/Richard Phillips for the rest of her life.
TV Channel Dispute Leads to Cops, Period BloodIt’s common for roommates to argue about which channel to watch, but it’s just a little bit crazy when an argument over the remote turns into a call to the police. When these roommates couldn’t agree, they not only called the cops, but one of the ladies accused the other of smearing period blood all over the bed. Even crazier? That period blood turned out to be the accusing roommate’s own! (Seriously, the cops tested it).
Roommate Outlaws Cooking BaconIt makes sense to sign a contract with your roommates because everyone should know what their obligations are to the space they’re occupying. It’s called being adult, but a 10-page contract that forbids bacon, red sauce, and threatens a monetary fee if you receive junk mail is too hot for our blood.
The Tale of the Pee Soaked LaundryIt’s bad enough to have a roommate who’s stoked on going to Burning Man every year, but when they start leaving around their urine-soaked, skunk weed-stinking laundry for you to deal with, your life may have hit rock bottom. This writer for XO Jane managed to actually do her terrible roommate’s laundry for her while she was busy getting lost in the desert. What a sweetheart.
Ted CruzThe worst roommate in the world award has to go to the Zodiac Killer himself, Ted Cruz. According to screenwriter, producer, and all around Twitter champion Craig Mazin, the creepiest member of the GOP was no peach to room with at college.
Ted would leave a greasy film on everything. My friend Erik dubbed the substance “Cruhz,” rhymes with “scuzz.” Now there’s Cruhz on my TV.
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) January 10, 2016
Of Course Johnny Manziel Was a Bad RoommateIn an interview with Vanity Fair, the troubled quarterback’s college roommate detailed all the pot, booze, Xanax, and litany of controlled substances that Manziel was using while playing for Texas A&M – when he was reaching the peak of his hubris. Try to imagine how annoying it would be to live with a coke snorting athlete who believes he’s about to be the biggest star in the world.
The Roommate Who Was Allergic to Doing the DishesYou don’t want to do the dishes every time you use a plate, that’s totally normal. But if you’re living with a group of people you can’t blame your ADHD for you being a slob like this anonymous roommate. Also, if people get upset with you about not doing the dishes, don’t start stealing the dishes in an attempt to make it look like there are no dirty dishes. The dishes are still dirty, they’re just hidden under your bed and getting dirtier. Here’s some advice: just do the dishes. Or destroy the earth and eat on paper plates, but don’t be a weirdo about cleaning up after yourself.
The King of Bad Break UpsWe’ve all had a roommate who’s gone through a bad break up, but imagine if your roommate had the most hellish breakup every other week. You’d never get any sleep, your front door would be permanently vandalized, and you might even have to deal with one of their ex’s parents. No thanks.
Warring Roommates Battle Over Toilet PaperWhat’s worse: the roommate who doesn’t use toilet paper for two and a half weeks or the roommate who hoards the toilet paper (to test the other roommate) for two and a half weeks?
Subtweets Cause Mild Dorm RiotCan everybody agree to cool it with Twitter and social media in general? The last thing anybodys need is for another Montague v. Capulet style beef, similar to the one that broke out at Penn State after some monster printed out all the subtweets (the tweets you write about someone when you’re too chickensh*t to actually @ them) her roommate had been posting.
This tweet storm became tangible when everyone in the Penn State dorm got so mad about the tweets and freaked out on the girl who printed the them that campus security had to be called. Naturally, everyone online popped some popcorn and enjoyed a passive aggressive battle for the ages.
Roommate Steals All the BatteriesImagine returning home to discover this: your roommate has replaced all the batteries in your electronics with smarties. Not cool! At the very least they could have used a candy that someone would actually want to eat.
Army Wives Shouldn’t Room TogetherIf we’ve learned anything from early reality television, it’s that people with strong personalities should only live together when they’re on camera and have a series of producers telling them what to do. If you’re married to someone in the military, you’re dealing with so much stress and anxiety that moving in with someone who’s also dealing with those anxieties – and who is also a crazy person – might be a bad idea.
There’s a good chance that you’ll clean the house you’re staying at and your roommate’s husband will get so mad that someone else cleaned his house that he’ll get into a fight with his wife. If you’re feeling lonely. join a book club instead.
The Raisin That Moved In and Never LeftRoommates are notorious for refusing to clean up after each other. But four girls were especially stubborn. One day a raisin appeared in the middle of their kitchen floor. And it stayed there until the day they finally moved out. No one said a word, they just all silently refused to pick it up.
Don’t Live with Your RelativesWhile writing into Carolyn Hax, an anonymous emailer describes a toxic roommate situation made worse by the fact that the person who lives with her/owes her money is also related to her in some way or another. When the writer stopped listening to her roommate’s problems, the roommate started sharing them with the dog.
“I just want to shake her and say that her issues are not special snowflakes,” said the frustrated roomie. “Everyone has all sorts of difficulties and she needs to lose the attitude that she is a broken person that the world has treated wrong from the beginning of time.”
Mint Oreo Hoarder Refuses to Share CookiesOn a trip back from Disneyland, two roommates decided to stop at a Wal-Mart. While there, they purchased a box of Mint Oreos. They scarfed the majority of them down on the drive back to their dorm. A few days later, one of the roommates asked what had happened to the rest of the Oreos. They hadn’t finished them, so where had they disappeared to? The other roommate casually said, “Oh! I have no idea!” The mystery wasn’t solved until the day they moved out and the box of remaining Oreos was found wedged up in the very back corner of the second roommate’s closet. Nothing is worse than a Mint Oreo hoarder!